1) Listen to your children! Turn off the TV or stop what you are doing and take a moment to listen to your children and what they have to say. You might just learn something. If children want to tell us something and we continue to click through our emails or pick things up around the house as they are talking, they are going to think we don’t care or think what they have to say isn’t important. The key to listening is to stop talking both internally and externally. Sometimes we can be silent and make others think we are listening but our minds are going a mile a minute, we find ourselves hearing every other word. To listen is to hear but also give them eye contact and to say things like:
- Who was with you?
- I can’t believe that happen to you.
- How did you get there in the first place?
- Do you want a hug?
- I am here for you.
- Wow that is so cool.
- I am so proud of you.
- I bet you are very proud of yourself.
2) Follow through on your promises.I hear so many parents say to their kids. “If you do that one more time we are going home” The kid does it again and the parent never takes the child home. If you don’t want to leave a party or event don’t tell your child things like that. Another example is a parent promising a child to take his child out for a special night and never finding time to do it. The key to good communication is to follow through with what you say. If you mean it say it-if you don’t, don’t! 3) Cheer on your children. Children love to be told how great they are. Even when you think they don’t care to hear praise they do. Even the middle school/high school students love to hear how successful they are. Let face it we all like to here that we are doing it right. I think it is sad that we live in a society where the squeaky wheel gets the grease. It’s time that we change that at home by speaking louder when we praise and softer when we reprimand.4) Be polite to your Children.If you want your children to say please and thank you, you should too.
I hear some many parents say: get that or give me that, and when the child gives them what they want they say nothing. Please and Thank you go a long way. My wife has corrected me more than once when I have asked her to get me something. She will say “Please….” Or after she gives me it she will say “Thank…” Our children are following our lead and if I am not polite they won’t be either. Today start by saying please and remember to say thank you. 5) Have a family fun night. Set a night a side to have some fun with your children. Hide and seek, flash light tag, board games or treasure hunts are a great way to loosen up and open the lines of communications. Forget about the boss or the bills and really spend some time with your child, she will never forget it.6) If you were wrong tell them.I believe the best parents are the ones that can admit when they are wrong.
I remember losing my temper with my oldest Nicholas when he was six years old. When I came to my senses and looked at this terrified little guy with tears in his eyes I knew I was way out of line. I hugged him and apologized for directing the days stress on him. I promised him that would never happen again and it won’t. 7) Every day tell them that you love them. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t tell each of my children how much I love them. I don’t care if they are in high school or college. Tell them you love them.For some reason it is easy to say we love them when they are cute and cuddly and forget to when they are all grown up. The same goes true with your spouse. Tell her you love her everyday even in front of the kids and they will share their love and become respectful, responsible examples of love. |